Marriage is honourable, the coming together of two people in love with the hope of making a home and family together. And it is not just the coming together of a man and a woman but according to the old African tradition it is the merging/blending of two families that becomes the coupes extended family.
Today in our society, the story is a far cry from what it was and the war or the battle that eats up our present day marriages in Africa is not from the couple but from in-laws. The breed of maniacs almost always led by a gorilla combatant mother of the groom. Supported in most cases by her junior gorilla daughters, who are either married or unmarried.
That is why I mentioned in part one that this is a more deadlier form of violence against African (Nigerian) women than domestic violence involving the woman and her spouse. In the case of that of the spouse its just the man alone she is contending with but in this case it is the man’s mother, his sisters/brothers.
In most cases the husband (man) is persuaded by this clan of fighters to support them, this is done through lies and manipulations of the highest order. No single lady I pray should ever go into a relationship or marriage where the mother in-law vividly speaks her dislike about the relationship. That relationship or marriage is bound to face this violence.
Once a man’s mother’s heart is not in favour of his choice to marry pls my advice is flee! flee!! flee!!! and do not look back. Like my friend would say, “use your two hands to hold your two ears and with your two feet at top speed” escape and vamoose from that man’s life. Nothing good would come out of that relationship.
This maniac would stop at nothing, getting into this drains life out any victim. The emotional, physical, psychological torture leaves a woman with anxiety and depression and just because most times we do not realize it in Africa or Nigeria, many women are going through depression and anxiety due to this without being diagnosed.
Many have no one to turn to due to stigma or shame, I felt the same way when I was going through this pain at the hands of my mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law. Today the effect of that trauma is still with me, many a night I wake up from nightmares recalling all that I went through.
This is the time to speak out enough is enough, this evil most stop and be called what it is “evil.” No one or no woman deserve to be treated like an animal in her marriage. Marriage is suppose to be for the man and the woman, not interfering in-laws or maniacs in the name of mother-in-laws. Who vows with their lives that over their dead body will a woman enjoy her marriage with their son.
Yes! over their dead body. That was mine and so many do same to their daughters-in-law, that over their dead body would the poor lady remain in the marriage. The home becomes a battle field every day for the poor woman, no peace.
This is more than bullying, if in the Western world, people including kids are standing up for bullying then it is time for women the world over to stand against this violence against fellow women in Africa by their in-laws.
I have never spoken about what I want through, not even with my family but a few days ago, a story about an encounter that a fellow woman is going through made me realize many are going through what I went through and are not speaking up. Just like I kept it, thinking it was too embarrassing to talk about
But I realized my mistake, there is nothing to be ashamed of about being abused. It is man inhumanity to man. The scars have not and will not be erased, I have bottled it up as pent up emotions and all it does is eat me up most times but I need to speak up. I ask other victims too to speak up TOO against this violence.
If I can others will. The time is now.
“HELP STOP MOTHERS-IN-LAW/IN-LAWS VIOLENCE AGAINST WIVES”
Remember the mother-in-law was once a wife, the sister-in-law is someone’s wife to be and the brother-in-law will marry a wife too, so stop now.